tap my glass

I have a big problem with assumptions, and a real hate for being late.  Those two flaws collided when i was 1 week, 30 minutes early for my eye appointment this morning.  Its in my schedule for next week, yet i woke up assuming it was this morning.  I need start double checking things and assuming i know whats going on…  not only was i one week too early, but i would’ve been 30 minutes early had it been this week!!!

I also ordered some new shoes, i didn’t even think when i put the size in…  the size was wrong.  If i had used my brain, i woulda realized i shoulda checked my shoe size.

Whats up with all this?  Am i in too much of a rush these days?  Too presumptuous??  Have scatterbrain syndrome?  Yesum.

So every day i change, and every day gets a little different, sometimes harder, most of the times easier. I’m coming to terms with things better now, not so angsty, more understanding. Running long distances helps put things in perspective, and i’ve been doing a lot of that lately.

I can scoff instead of resent the brooding 17 year old fashionista i pass at 7am in the percy underpass, with her frail grip on her morning smoke. I can accept that most smokers live in complete denial that their butts are garbage and pollution, and they’ll always be on the sidewalk to be avoided or flattened once again by my heavy feet. I can smile at the 20-something hip government dude on his way to the archives, halling back on heaven - his initial reason to get out of bed in the morning. Or the older more somber folks outside early in the morning at that weird group home with the awful green awning and park bench on glebe ave.. And all my friends and family and everyone else i know that smokes, i can accept it. I will probably still get annoyed if they interrupt a perfectly good conversation, activity, or pastime, to “take a break” and satisfy their addiction, but i’ll learn to deal with it.

Its really amazing though how long it took my body to recover from it, but now that i’m through the worst, how much more efficient my body is… its really great, i wished i had done it sooner, but am very thankful its at least done with. My lungs work way better, my digestive system is definitely more functional, and i’m stronger. And i get more done because i’m taking less breaks… an arguable benefit.

When something has been a part of me for almost half my life, its hard to let go, and i’ll be doing it forever (or at least as long as i did it for). And now, i’m happy about that too.

I do have to say though, without the smoke breaks to take from hardcore renovations, beers sure are going down smoother.

I’ve been recently informed by the dear Aggie, that she would like it if i blogged more. I really should. Here’s a start.

I’d blog more if i had an iPhone and an unlimited data plan. Those things are likely quite sweet (never actually played with one, only iTouch, and it is sweet), but apple annoys me. iTunes annoys me. The macbook air is a pretty sweet looking and feeling computer though. I definitely see an additional mac product in my arsenal within the next 2 years (i currently have a first gen iPod mini, that is all).

Similarily i would also blog more if i could do so via SMS or text messages… or perhaps i wouldn’t. I’ve been using twitter here and there, mostly just to get techcrunch’s tweets on my cell. They’ll send you the tweets of any individual via SMS, and thats pretty sweet. I should really look into more useful tweets, ie for the weather in ottawa or something.

I got a letter from rogers today about their new charges for excessive downloads, my plan will run an extra 2$/GB for all GB’s over 60 up to a max of 25$. Apparently my nov and dec were under, but i used ~180GB in januaray, ouch. As of only yesterday i was talking to them to reduce my monthly bill, got 10$ off by giving up tbs (or peachtree, whats up with that). Now i’ll likely have another 25$ on it every other month. Ahhh cable monopolys. Is it time to go DSL? Likely yes…

I have work to do tonite, so i was planning on hitting up some dirienzo’s sandwiches as they’re cheap and easy. But my lunch today consisted of a loeb greek salad and one of their ciabatta demi-bagettes. Its a lot of tasty bread really (and good value too, 1.39 per), i didn’t feel like any more. So what did i do? I stopped by sazloves and got some of their chicken souvlaki skewers. I wanted to make a recent recipe i learned from the Urban Element’s indian class (an amazing experience i shoud’ve blogged about), a very high taste to complexity ratio’d basmati rice recipe, but had no basmati rice. I did have reserve minute rice. Which worked great surprisingly enough. I was missing a bunch of other stuff, but in the end the rice was perfect. I bbq’ed outside with no jacket, broke some hard ice away, drank some sleeman, and had a merry old time. When it came to eating, i positioned the rice chicken and taziki (i forgot about the taziki, they recommended it on their label, i fell for it, no regrets), put the leftover chicken in the microwave (not to cook, but so the cats wouldn’t hair all over it), and i sat in front of my computer, read local ottawa blogs, eat scrumptiously, and feel very rich for the experience.

I also should say that the spring/summer will be an exciting time, hopefully some reno’s, lots of work (its been busy lately), getting my summer tires on (yay!!!), etc..

I have nothing concise to say.

Oh, i do want to get jamie olivers’ newish book, i had a peek at it and it talks about skills/notes for growing misc veggies and stuff. The part about the british hunt kinda turned me off, but i think i can look past it into the sometimes vain mr. olivers dreamy pictures of cooking food over an open garden barby. 40$, but i think i’ll actually learn something from it.

Here’s a misc picture i’m really happy with, but whose tone and attitude totally does NOT jive with that of this posting:

One final thing. I’ve been going to the gym, and listening to some podcasts, cbc’s search engine for one. I may or may not of heard this there, but when i read a blog posting and want to refer to it i say “you should check out so and so’s latest blog posting”. I don’t say “you should check out so and so’s latest blog”. Am i wrong? I would assume that someone’s “latest blog” means they started a new blog with a separate URL and so forth, and it has new/different content than their other blogs. If anyone agrees with me please honk.

I’m basically addicted to #705 at camcong right now. Its their spicy veggie soup. It is occasionally hit or miss, possibly depending on my mood, but lately its been bang on. Lots of veggies, right amount of noodles, quite spicy, not too greasy, no massive chunks of galangal, lots of good tofu, its really really good. However, i was quite disappointed last night when we showed up at 8:10, and they were closed. Still had customers, but closed. Their sign says they close at 9pm. But its private enterprise, they can do whatever the pump they want. And because they have one of the best most addictive products in ottawa to myself right now, i can’t afford to boycott based on this one early close…

So we went down to new pho bo ga la and i got a much more traditional s9, pho with bbq pork and shrimp wonton’s. Not nearly the same addictive soup, but good nonetheless.

I think spicy foods are addictive to me. A few years ago, i wasn’t much of a fan. Now i actually crave them… another sign of my feverously addictive personality.

We’re going to the dominican republic in a few days. Its going to be boring as hell, and perfect as hell. It’ll give me time to come to terms with many things, including my various food addictions. And to read some books, get a tan, listen to tunes, brainstorm, tune out, swim, and hopefully not get food poisoning or anything worse.

I had a great xmas this year. I enjoy getting together with family, exchanging presents, a little consumerism, a little recycling, giving, etc.. All the stuff related to family and friends is great, absolutely great.

The upcoming rant has little to do with xmas, its just bad timing for xmas. I participate in this little group formerly called “Free Cycle” or Full Circle Ottawa. In theory, its great. You post when you have something to offer, or when you’re looking for something particular. I’ve posted and successfully “freecycled” a lawnmower, file folders, and a few other things. But lately, i’m sick of it. Its not as easy as it sounds to give something away.

The rule of thumb seems to be, if you’re offering something, state where you live and methods for delivery - either pick up, or drop off, or both. I always state pick up only… i’m sure if i were trucking this stuff all over town i could get rid of it much easier. I guess i’m not that nice, and don’t want to spend 5 bux in gas to go to the east end… perhaps i should.

Another part of the problem is the email communication medium, which is used initially, but really should be taken out of the loop and replaced by the phone after the first exchange. Perhaps this is all i need to do in the future, but for the time being i’m pissed. Email is lazy, and not very time relevant. I post, an hour later someone responds saying they can pick it up. Then i see it, say when can you come, and 2 days later i get a response…

The reason why i’m mad now is because i’ve been trying to get rid of this old stereo system since boxing day. Here’s how it’s gone down:

• I post around 10am on boxing day saying the stereo is in semi-working condition, available for pickup in centertown.
• I get the first response at 10:20, saying the person can pick it up before 1pm today. The 2nd person to respond sent at 10:30am
• I respond to the first person at about 10:40, saying i’ll be home, heres my address, come and get it.
• I wait… eventually at 3:45 the guy responds and says he just got home, and can pick it up on saturday.
• I respond to the 2nd person saying it is still available, but she’s mostly asking about the stereo, and where i’m located (which was in my original email).
• At around 7pm, someone else responds, saying they’re interested.
• Still following up with the 2nd person now on the 27th, this is what they wrote at 11:44 am: hi a wiill try to get a ride right away thanks where do u live exactly does cd player also work thanks
• I respond, saying i’ll be around, with my address, but the person never shows up nor sends another message.
• I’m pissed, but wait until friday… i send another message to person #1 saying if they can pick it up saturday morn, its theirs.
• I don’t get a response as of saturday morn, so begin comms with person #3.
• Person #1 responds saying they can pick it up THIS morning (sunday) between 10 and 11 (getting less specific, should be a sign…), and i say fine.
• Person #3 responds, i respond and say i’ve already committed to giving it to person #1, and they respond saying how disappointed they are.
• Sunday morning rolls around, early, because i woulda slept a few more hours, and person #1 says something came up and to give it to someone else.

ARRRGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a xmas ceasar and pack of smokes. I don’t have the heart to respond to person #3 after their “i’m so disappointed” email, the f*in stereo is hitting the curb on my way out to buy new shit likely made in china. I’m not in a freecycling mood right now.

This is NOT the first time this has happened. People troll these lists, respond to things they would like, with no way of getting them, and no real commitments to picking them up - they’re free after all!

I think this rant has been therapeutic. In the future, i’ll give people my phone number at the first exchange, and will not accept any pick up times more than 24 hours away, perhaps even none the next day… i welcome any other suggestions too. I also realize the silliness of posting this on my blog and not in their forum, but this was mostly for me to rant and now thats done and i’m selfish and frustrated right now… less so now though!

How many times have you been a conversation, or been listening to one and heard the words “let me finish!!” usually in an excited tone.

Its seems us humans have a very strong tendency to interrupt people when they are talking. This obviously annoys/angers people, and sparks them to chime out the aforementioned words.

Cats on the other hand, do not have this problem. I just conducted an experiment with my occasionally noisy cat Ruby. She gets into winy moods where she mixes up her speech with a variety of murmurs, mechs, and meows. My experiment reveals if i wait for her to finish what she’s saying, then launch into conversation with her (maintaining eye contact), no matter how long i go for (within reason, up to 20 seconds or so) she won’t interrupt me and will stay attentive and focused on me. Only when i complete my speech will she then, normally within a few seconds, respond with some of her usual noises. I think she’s agreeing with me.

In some ways cats are far more polite than humans.

So i’ve decided to quit smoking. Like really quit. None of this smoke sometime, and not others. I’ve been debating for a while, and decided to give it a kick.

In order to “setup for success”, i’ve got the patch. I’m not a heavy smoker, so i’m starting on nicoderm, stage 2. I was told by my doctorb to hit that for 2 weeks, then stage 3 for two more weeks after that.

I put my first patch on this morning. Within five minutes i was buzzin like crazy. All morning i was on a massive rush, this stuff is addictive man!!!! I took the patch off a few hours ago cause i didn’t want the “vivid dreams” the box suggested were a possibility… it also suggested “insomnia”, so probably not.

The day was fine… one day, not a problem. A week or two will be tricky. 1 year is what will be tough. I figure, one day at time.

Yay exercise!!! And being able to taste food again, that’ll be sweet.

I’ve had some dealings with the post office lately, i’m hoping someone can shed some light on some possibilities i have not considered.

A few months ago i placed an order with amazon.ca for 8 or 9 music cd’s. About a week and half after i received their shipment email, i still had not received them. I checked canadapost’s tracking site, and it said the parcel was delivered to the recipient a week ago. I phoned canada post, and they said they can’t do anything, i should call amazon. So i did, and they said “this happens”, and said they’d resend the entire parcel. It surprised me how easily they agreed to do this, but whatever, i was happy.

This time I followed this tracking number a little closer, and when canadapost said this package had been delivered and it had not, i grew worried. I called amazon again, and again they were very nice. They said they rarely send a parcel 3 times, but made an exception for me cause i really wanted these cd’s (they also would’ve just refunded my money at this point). The availability of one of the cd’s was a little off, so they graciously offered to split the shipment up into 2 chunks.

Again, i followed the tracking info, the bulk of the items being the first thing shipped. I added myself as an email recipient for updates on changes to the status of the package tracking. When i got the email telling me this package was delivered i was home. I of course went straight outside, again to find no package waiting for me. My guess is this info isn’t “up to the minute”, and likely was reported delivered the previous day (when i was not home).

A few days later, the lone late cd did arrive in my mailbox. My mailbox is pretty standard, big enough to fit a small parcel, but any larger parcel would stick out the top. I’ve gotten books from amazon before, and they did stick out the top. This was the first time i’ve ever had any issues.

I called amazon again, they were apologetic, but we both agreed there was nothing left for them to do. They refunded my money, and someone out there might very well have 3 copies of neon bible, joel plaskett’s new cd, and a variety of other kickass albums. I ordered all the missing cds again, this time shipping them to my work, and they arrived safely there within 5 or so days.

So what happened? Is it possible that “bad people” stole these parcels off my doorstep 3 times, when previous amazon packages that were sticking out of my mailbox arrived in my safe hands? This is the only possibility i can possibly accept. Did someone in the middle (ie an employee) scam them? Unlikely considering the parcel did arrive to my work. Is it possible amazon never actually sent them? Very unlikely considering canada post did note tracking info. Can anyone think of any other possibilities?

I was told by someone (can’t remember who) that you can request canada post not deliver parcels to your door without a signature. I called canada post and asked about this. They said i can not do this, but i can ask that parcels not be left at my house. They referred to this practice as “safedrop” (not sure whats safe about it though!). You are allowed to request that letter carriers “do not safedrop”. The lady asked me to put a note on my mailbox that says “do not safedrop” and that she would put a request in to the depot marking my address with this same bit of info. So i did these 2 things. I got a call today from the local centertown postal outlet. The lady there informs me that letter carriers never leave parcels that do not completely fit in the mailbox. I said… ok. I didn’t know what else to say, as well, i had no additional ideas. I was tired, frustrated, and bewildered.

With the package that i did successfully get delivered to my office i debated filling it with cat poo, arming my house with cameras, eagerly hoping to catch a culprit… but i lost interest. The cat poo woulda been fun, but some possible outcomes could’ve been disastrous for my property, so i opted against it.

I really hope it isn’t skids walking by scoping out folks’ mailbox’s in hopes of treasures… i really really hope this isn’t the case… but the whole situation has added to my cynicism, which was sparse before but increasingly grows as i do. Which kinda blows.

Are there people out there that don’t want to be happy? Is the desire for happiness so inherent, perhaps the only prevelant inherent thing in everyones personality? Can we be happy if we have desires? Is there a grey area? Some would argue not. I definitely believe there is. If we are just our genes, and just our propagation capabilities, then this stasis requires ambivilence, and happiness is the cattle prod to ensure we don’t end it too soon. I for one, welcome happiness, and can think of no better way to spend this sentience. If it is our idea passing capabilites, then i have a lot more to learn, cause this meme business is over my happy head. Ahh, ignorance…

This has been an exciting year for me. For a lot of people. Ups, downs, stasis. I’m writing this in the back room of my place that has been gutted, had new drywall, ceiling, floors, window, etc.. Thats change for ya. And thats only on the surface, what lies beneath is much more interesting. I like that certain things i read and people i listen to reveal that everyone is exploring, all the time. I think going to new places is great, its one of the great advantages to living in an urban area. Of course, you can do this in the bush, but you have to be a lot more observant or creative. Here, there’s always some bloke willing to treat you to some new speciality, sight sound or smell, something that you wouldn’t find in your own backyard (if you’re lucky enough to have one). I think taking advantage of this, and being happy about your discoveries, good or bad, is precious.

Back to the bevelutions. In order for me to maintain this degree of happiness for another year, i think i’ll have to get my health back. It has been slowly depreciating in value as the interest rates my bodies credit pay increase (ie age). Old grey liver, ain’t what she used to be, ain’t what she used to be… actually my liver’s ok, its my lungs that i think suck ass. Need to clean em up, clean em out. Perhaps cleanse time again, perhaps procrastinatory lifestyle, who knows. I’m obsiously non-commital about cleaning, i just read what i just wrote, its from the heart, and it probably means 1 less smoke a month. Shits killing me, for sure.

I believe, as pompous as this may sound, that my recent fortunes have strung from among many other things, my desire for good karma. I believe acts, even if performed in solitude, that make you a better peson, will make you a better person to others as well. Everything you do reflects on your personality. Mabye not right now, but in time, definitely. I try to do the best i can for a) myself and b) people around me. I don’t want to f*ck anyone over, ever. And if i can take a burn, or a burden, or a bruise if it means someone else might have a slight decrease in suffering or pain, i’ll take it. I’m a “confrontation avoider”. Bring it, i’ll fold. And i’ll be happier for it. Boring yes, ignorant probably, happy for 2006 definitely, 2007 hopefully too. Have an uberkickass holdiay if you got one, slack if you don’t, thanks for reading this far in this boring assed biatch of an infrequent rant.

When i was in grade four i fainted for the first time. I was at school, in the evening, and we were doing some choral recital thing. I’m sure i was a lousy singer, probably hated it, but everyone had to do it. I was standing in the back row, elevated slightly. My mom was there, all the other parents too. I don’t remember it too well, but i believe it was mid way through the 2nd or 3rd song when i started feeling dizzy. I didn’t think too much of it, but then i distictly remember wondering if my head would reach the bookshelves to my right. When i openned my eyes my forhead hurt and i was mostly horizantal with a crowd of very concerned adults surrounding me. I didn’t really know what happenned, but eventually figured it out. A good friend of mine was standing in front of me, luckily he broke my fall else i might’a broken my neck. My mom took me outside, i got some air and that was that. I had a big rug burn on my forehead.

That was the first time, but certainly not the last time i’ve fainted in my life. The next time wasn’t long after wandering through a mall with my mom, i just passed out. I began to recoginize the warning signs after that, and could normally sit my ass down or splash some water on my face before i fell. I did some kung fu training when i was about 16 or so, in my first class i passed out. Everyone was *really* concerned there, i tried to tell them it was normal and nothing to worry about. Was it?

When i was at school in queens i spent an eve over at some friends house watching movies, having a few beers, and smoking some shite. I wasn’t obliterated, but i was feeling pretty good when i left - i was probably feeling about average for bedtime given the serious daubachery that occurred during those formitive years. About 100 yards of walking later, and i was losing it. I fell to the ground in a heap on the sidewalk, and woke up a little while later, probably out for only a few seconds. I believe a couple people were hanging out near by and came by to help. I managed to drag myself up to their step and sat down. They were very nice and asked if they should call an ambulance. I said no, this is normal, and i just needed to sit for a little while. I can’t blame them for not believing me, and going inside and calling an ambulance. They then stood inside the door and peered out at me until it showed up. The dudes did the light in the eye thing and asked questions. I was quite coherant by this point, and explained the possible contributing factor of recent wisdom teeth removal and continuing meds taking (ibprofen). They said ok eventually, and the dudes called a cab and that was that. That was the last time i fainted before tonite.

Just as in most cases, serious creep up occurred. I got to the tavern, drank a beer and had a smoke. Before i left my house i wolfed down some pb and banana sandwiches cause it was about the only food in the house, and didn’t really eat much else all day. After the beer i was quite bloated, and didn’t really feel too good. Decided to head downstairs to pee, feeling that it might gimme some space. I got to the urinal, and as soon as i started peeing, i felt massively woozy. I was like “this feels like those fainting warning signs”. And i was like “no”… and then i was like “o shit”. Finished peeing, luckily, and stumbled to the sink where i denied the possibility for a few more moments while i hastily washed my hands. Then as i tried to leave i was thinking “theres no way i’ll make it up the stairs”, and didn’t as i collapsed more or less outside the door. It wasn’t a total black out, but damn close. Some dude offerred witty remarks and some help as i eventually made it back into the can to splash water my face, almost pass out again, sit down for a minute or 2, then get back up, and really splash water on my face. I started to feel better after that. I chatted with the guy and i guess convinced him that i wasn’t drunk or stoned, that this is normalish for me.

Went upstairs, seriously woozy but capable, and got a water at the bar. I was apparently white as a ghost, which was no surprise to me. I went outside and informed my friends of the issue, and decide to bail on the massive card action in the midst. Went to herb n spice, got some salty and sugarry foods, some fruit, and walked home without incident.

Would you be worried? Only now that i’m older and my body has represented signs of weakness do i really think its something i should consider looking in to. Mabye i will when i get my next physical, which probably won’t be until something really serious is wrong… which is stupid.